How to make your blog popular

I have decided to add a new secion to my blog, entitled Bedside Thoughts. Appropriately enough, these will be written while I’m burning moonlight lying in bed and thinking. Hopefully, this will also serve to empty some of the clutter in my mind. Basically, these will just be link-whoring lists, as they will be unordered lists with links to examples I may find, on the entries it’s appropriate to do so on. Enjoy!

Anyway, this is the first entry. Oooh, ahhhhhh!

For my first night doing this, I have decided to make a list of how to make your blog popular, as that is everyone’s top concern. OK, maybe not all, but 95% probably want to see people actually reading their blogs. This list covers both search engines and actual readership, and anything that isn’t linked, either applies to my blog or I was just too lazy to find links for. Mostly the latter, as I’m going to come back and add more links later.

• Make lists of things
• Talk about David Letterman
• Talk about Jay Leno (The Anti-Letterman)
• Post pictures of your breasts (women only — please!)
• Post pictures of someone else’s breasts
• Post pictures of celebrities
• Post pictures of celebrities’ breasts
• Run a link-whoring porn blog
• Join the Alliance
• Write long, high-quality entries about cheese
• Write about your cats
• Write about your neighbors
• Get Slashdotted ^{[ def ]}
• Get Instapunted ^{[ site ]}
• Eat real, 100% American cheese
• Update your blog as much as possible. Every five minutes, if possible.
• Offer Podcasts.
• Create a fake staff - that actually all post on a regular basis.
• Offer unique insights on popular topics [ ref: get slashdotted, get instapunted ]
• Blog in the nude. While is unlikely to actually raise traffic, it will keep you cooler while blogging.
• Write for (known) publications (and plug your blog there)
• Use CafePress ^{[ site ]} to create shirts for your blog
  • …and actually wear your shirts around town
  • …and pay people to do the same
• Post about your favorite music
• Post about your favorite movies
• Post about your favorite TV shows
• Post about your favorite books
• Post about locations
• Spread filthy lies about another (preferably with more traffic than you) blogger (preferably Glenn Reynolds)
• Become a stats whore: Use at least 6 stats trackers / Apache log analizers.
• Get Farked ^{[ site ]}
• Blog about any of the following:
  • The war in Iraq
  • Teri Schivo
  • George W
  • Donald Rumsfeld
  • Condolezza Rice
  • Brittany Spears
  • The University of Colorado
  • Michael Jackson
  • Ah-nold
  • Instapundit
  • Google
  • us! [ The Random Ramblings of mattfast1 ]